Thursday, February 5, 2009

Stupid English, Vol. 2

In preparation for the Public Affairs Symposium event in ten days when Danny Glover and Felix Justice will play the roles of two important civil rights activists, we, today, looked over the pamphlet describing this event, along with the other two. There was a discrepency over comma placement surrounding the name of the activist portrayed by Felix Justice, Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have, of course, given away part of it already, but I have not yet fully revealed how stupid English can be. Let me first explain the rules of comma placement around the suffix, junior. When adding "Jr." after a person's name, one must place a comma after the last name and before the suffix. Additionally if the sentence continues, a comma is required after the suffix is well. For example, "Martin Luther King, Jr., was an important figure in the civil rights movement." I was actually wrong about this. I thought, and still think, that the comma after Jr. is superfluous. Yet this is the rule, and as such, I will abide by it, for it cannot possibly create any confusion.

There is another rule, similar to this one, which does elucidate the stupidity of English. Imagine if Martin Luther King, Jr., had a son named Martin Luther King III (I know, then Martin Luther King, Jr., would be Martin Luther King II, but bear with me). I have already revealed the conundrum. When the suffix is III or XIII, as in King Henry, a comma is not required before the suffix or after. "King Henry XIII had eight wives," is punctuationally correct. Why? Beats the hell out of me. To anyone who doesn't see an incosistency or wishes to explain the reasoning why would be most welcome.

Also, in case you don't believe me, check out this link:
http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000084.htm

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Falling Asleep in Class...

A lot of people find history boring. I'm not one of them. I freaking love the subject. I think it's interesting how vowel sounds changed in England in the 15th century; I think it's interesting how Otto von Bismark unified Germany; I think it's interesting how slavery was racialized in 17th century colonial America; I think it's interesting how Stalin industrialized the USSR; etc. But yet, I must say that today's history class put even me to sleep.

How, you ask, could the historically minded Zumoman be put to sleep by a history class? Well, let me begin by saying that we have class in a relative hole in the wall classroom in the basement of the most uncomfortable academic building on campus. Second, the class is for three hours. Sitting in the same tiny room for three hours with a five minute break in the middle isn't exactly the easiest way to learn. And this is just the everyday session. Even with these conditions, I can usually manage to stay awake, but today was truly special.

Each of us researched a famous historian. We were then to present a brief (5-7 minutes) synopsis of the historian's life and contributions to the field of history. The first one or two were all right. Everyone was still getting settled and such, and so everyone was still awake. Starting with about the third person, you started seeing the head bob with a few people. You know, the head falls slowly forward or to the side, then the person realizes he's asleep and the head pops back up, only to repeat the process in the next 30 seconds.

At about the 5th or 6th person it started to get what I would call pretty bad. One guy just put his head down on the desk, and was out cold. A bunch of people had the head in the palm with the elbow on the desk, and most of the rest of the class had the head bob thing going. But I was still going strong. I had managed to procure a piece of gum from a friend of mine, and was doing everything in my power to chew the living daylights out of the gum to stay awake.

Right before our break, a guy who my friend and I had class with before presented. He's an absolutely brilliant student - maybe the brightest of the students in our class, but his way of presenting is very slow and long-winded. We placed bets on how long he would go. I said about 12; my friend said 15. I started my timer. After about six minutes (he was about at the halfway point) I realized that I was the only one who was actually paying any attention (other than one student who I can only assume must be super-human because he was taking furious notes). There were one or two students who managed to keep their eyes open, but they had the totally blank stare thing going on. It really was incredible. But I had managed for over the first half of class! Five minute break.

I felt like a contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire," at a commercial break, going back to splash some water on my face to "keep it real." I had managed what I thought impossible. There were only 3 presentations left to go. Surely, I had done my part. Only one problem - my gum now tasted like moldy jello; it had to go. A bad choice. I went back into the classroom, and 2 minutes into the first session, I had the head bob going on. 4 minutes in, the had my head on my palm with the elbow on the desk. The eyes really were coming and going. I couldn't hold it. I dozed through two of the presentations.

I offer my apologies to any of you reading this whose presentations I may have dozed through. It really had nothing to do with your presentation and everything to do with my lack of gum. Professor, if you're reading this, which I can't imagine, my apologies. It's not a bad class, it was just a bad class. Sitting through that many presentations on, let's be honest, boring stuff, is just insufferable. I still love history, but we have to find a way to make it more exciting.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

A Critique of Truth

The notion that there is some Truth in the world (or represented by this world) has been a long and popularly held belief in Western culture. Dating back to the pre-Socratics, Truth-believers have made up a serious constituency of philosophers. It has been called different things: God, the One, Perfection, the Oversoul, etc. Yet in modern times, this traditional belief has come under serious attack. I hope to lay out some of the criticisms of this belief in an Absolute here.

Of central nature to this belief is the fundamental belief that this Truth exists independent of human experience. It is a priori, so to speak. Our everyday experience, however, easily rejects this notion. Our definitions of things are contingent only upon their use or intended use. Think about a water bottle (one happens to be sitting right next to me, making it a handy example). It is only a water bottle because I use it to store water and to drink water from. If I used it to prop up books (as I do with my other "water bottle") it only continues to be a water bottle insofar as it is intended for the aforementioned purposes. To suggest that there is a perfect idea of a water bottle and that all water bottles obtaining in our world are manifestations of this perfect idea (as was common in Ancient Greek thinking) is utterly absurd.

But what does this suggest about the world as a whole? We could reject the idea of perfect ideas of things and still accept some type of Absolutely Real world, but this is also clumsy. Consider a star of David. As noted American philosopher William James wrote, you can treat it, "as a star, as two big triangles crossing each other, as a hexagon with legs set up on its angles, as six equal triangles hanging together by their tips, etc."(Pragmatism and Humanism in Pragmatism). What it is, then, depends upon our perceptions of it.

Modern relativistic and quantum physics supports this conclusion. Einstein's relativity is classicly illustrated by the example of a person on a train throwing a ball up into the air. To the person on the train, the ball goes straight up and down, but to a person observing the train from afar, the ball appears to have traveled in a perfect parabola. In modern quantum mechanics, the measurement of a particular particle compels it to take a specific form. This is the most extreme example of how our idea of some objective Reality is totally flawed. Nature itself is rejecting the notion. She says, "I will fool you, young ignorant scholar. You think that if you measure me, the Reality of the world will be revealed. Hahaha, how naive! I can prove to you that your measurement of me alters the world, for the result would have been different if you hadn't measured." What is real in this circumstance? Our attempt of understanding Reality is naturally thwarted. We clearly then must reject this dogmatic teaching of an Absolute, of a Reality, of Truth. We have many truths, many realities.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Curious Computer Conundrums

While I was sitting at my computer yesterday morning (typing Sunday Morning Football, Vol. 2), McAfee Security Center kept flashing on my toolbar. When I scrolled over the icon, a little window popped up telling me that my computer wasn't protected. I would then click on the icon to open McAfee. Once I opened McAfee, it would tell me "Your computer is not protected!" Right next to that, there would be a button that said "Fix." Once I clicked the "fix" button, it allegedly fixed the problem and told me that my computer was safe once again.

There was only one problem with this whole system - after about 10 minutes, the toolbar started flashing again, prompting the whole series of actions I had taken before. So, I followed the series of steps again, and, as it turned out, again and again and again. It seemed to be a neverending cycle of fixing my computer. While certainly obnoxious, there is something else curious here.

Why does McAfee prompt me to click a button to fix something, when that is my only option. Why would I not want it fixed. If McAfee knows the problem and the solution, why should I have to tell it to fix the problem. There is most definitely something confusing about that. Fortunately, this perpetual requirement of me to click a button to fix a problem has not persisted into today (knock on wood).

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Sunday Morning Football, Vol. 2

Last week I wrote about Bilbao player Aldekoaotalora Ustaritz. He played again this week, but I'll make the focus of this column something more interesting than a funny name - I promise.

Every week, soccernet.com, my site for football news and scores has someone sitting in a room watching one of the games on television typing commentary about what's going on in the game. My question is, why don't they have it for every game. For the rest of the games, they have these automated responses that go something like, "foul by Nicola Zigic (Racing)" or "Gnegneri Yaya Toure (Barcelona) is shown the yellow card." What I can't believe is that there's nobody who would be willing to sit around, watch a football game, and type commentary for it. I would! I'd do it for free. I mean, I've already said I'm going to be sitting here every Sunday morning watching the scores and the little automated blurbs come in. Of course I'd rather be watching the game and typing the commentary myself. I can't believe that with all the technology we have, they can't have someone off-site doing it.

Anyway, this week I'm fortunate enough to have real commentary for the Liverpool-Chelsea game which is coincidentally taking place at the same time as the bulk of the La Liga fixtures this week. The big news out of Liverpool is that Robbie Keane has been left out of the 18 man squad again - the second game in a row - without having been injured. Benitez just isn't playing him, and won't even include him among the substitutes. Any Liverpool fan knows that Keane is better than David Ngog, so this has led to a lot of speculation that Robbie may be on his way back to Tottenham to have a Tottenham-players-who-left-for-half-the-season reunion with Jermaine Defoe and Pascal Chimbonda. Tottenham must have some brilliant financiers. These guys figured out that they could sell a player who was playing brilliantly, get him to suck at his new club, and buy him back for a reduced price. I wouldn't be surprised if they made 5 million pounds off the whole Robbie Keane ordeal. Who would pay 20 million for him now? I wouldn't (not that I have 20 million pounds).

Well, I haven't written about any of the game action going on, and there's a good reason for that - there hasn't been any!!! The 12 teams playing in Spain plus the 2 in England combined for 4 first half goals, all of which came in the first 10 minutes of the half. This means that for the last 35 minutes, I've had nothing whatsoever to write about. Mascherano and Ashley Cole both got booked in the Liverpool - Chelsea game. The only thing miraculous about that is that they both don't get booked in EVERY game. More to come during the second halves...

GOALS!!! After 40 minutes of goalless football in sevevn games, I now have two goals to write about. How exciting! Actually, neither one of the goals was particularly interesting, and there's now a third equally uninteresting goal. One goal apiece now for Atletico Madrid and Valladolid. Barcelona have gone down against Racing 1-0 courtesy of a Nicola Zigic penalty (no, I did not go back to insert his name earlier in this post because he scored now - highly coincidental). Maybe this means Messi will enter the game - he's been sitting on the bench. Maybe Guardiola thought he could get by without him today. As if on cue, Messi has come on for Sergi Busquets.

LAMPARD'S been sent off!!! What a shame. From the commentary it sounds as if it was a bit of an injustice. As far as I'm concerned, there is never any injustice when it comes to Chelsea players being sent off. In most games, they should be finishing the game with 8 or 9 players, but the referees seem to turn a blind eye to their dissent and reckless tackles. Liverpool must take advantage now. They simply can't give up 2 points at home to 10-man Chlesea. Meanwhile, in Spain, Xavi has equalized for Barca within 6 minutes of Messi's entrance. Good idea Guardiola (and me too)!

The footballing world seems to approve of my blog because it has just provided further evidence as to why I should provide commentary for the matches on soccernet.com. Apparently Ikechukwu Uche just assisted his own goal. I'm not sure how that works - did he pass the ball to himself or something. Most likely, an error in the computer program putting up the stilted commentary. In the Depor - Villarreal game, Lafita has scored his second for Depor. He said earlier in the week that Depor had to win to get their season back on track (they've lost the last three, although it must be said they were all against top 6 teams). Let's see if he can get his hat-trick and seal the deal. Should Villarreal lose, they will be able to refocus on the Champion's League. I wouldn't be surprised (or that unhappy) if they won the whole thing.

Uche has scored again (they have now changed the original goal to being assisted by Romanian Cosmin Contra) and Betis have blown another 2 goal lead. Speculation this week was that this could be the end of Paco Chaporro's reign there. It's looking increasinly likely should they lose, and they're down to ten men as well. Ciao Chaporro - at least it's an aliteration. Depor have scored a third, but it's not Lafita. A win will see Depor leapfrog Málaga and into 7th place, 1 point out of the European places. Unless Atletico lose today, but they are tied with Valladolid right now.

Xavi and Xabi Alonso have each hit the woodwork in their respective games. Unfortunate for the X-men and my two favorite teams.

Goal for Messi! Barca now lead 2-1. Messi, el mágico. And perhaps I spoke too soon about Atletico not losing - Valladolid have just gone up 1-0. Another illustration of the incompetency of the Atletico defense. They gave away a penalty in the 78th minute. You just can't do that!

TORRES!!!! Liverpool must win now. Torres has given them the lead with less than 2 minutes left. 5 minutes of stoppage time! Chelsea certainly cannot complain about that. What an absurd number! Anything over 4 is extremely rare.

Back in Santander, Barcelona have won 2-1 but not before their central defensive pairing of Rafa Marquez and Gerard Pique were sent off. Must have made for a nervy final few minutes, and it could create issues next week with both of them suspended, but they've got the points today and that's all that matters for now. But the other half the city isn't doing so well. Espanyol, already in the midst of a miserable season have just blown a 1 goal lead in the dying stages after their keep took out a Huelva player in the box, got sent off, and conceded a penalty. It's a harsh way to lose, but it does seem to encapsulate Espanyol's season at the moment. With Osasuna's win over Mallorca, those three teams (Espanyol, Osasuna, and Mallorca) will all be tied for last on 17 points. The relegation battle in Spain will be an interesting one. Let's see if Liverpool can hold on...

TORRES again! That'll seal the deal. Torres scored his second after (much to my pleasure) an error from Ashley Cole. That's the game. El niño does it again. Liverpool sit by themselves in 2nd place, and it will come down to the two best teams from the Northwest of England for the title this season. Let's hope this reinvigorates Liverpool's season. You know what they say: "January showers bring February flowers." Okay, well maybe it's not quite like that, but that's what they'll be thinking in Liverpool. If the Super Bowl goes as well as the sports weekend has for me so far, it will have completed one of the most memorable sports weekends in my history.

And for those of you statistics lovers, before the final two La Liga fixtures this weekend featuring Valencia and Sevilla facing two lower clubs, Barcelona's goal difference is +50. If you sum the rest of the postive goal differences in La Liga, those of Real Madrid, Valencia, Villarreal, Atletico Madrid, Sevilla, and Málaga, you get +54. The rest of the teams in La Liga have negative goal difference. Barca have scored 21 more goals than the next best team (Real Madrid) and have conceded 3 fewer than the next best team (Sevilla). Talk about dominance...

Hope you enjoyed my ramblings on the week's football action. Until next week!