Is Switzerland really better at everything?

When you think about Switzerland, it's hard not to be impressed. I have had the fortune of having my aunt uncle and cousin living in Switzerland for some time now, and this has given me the opportunity to get to know the country better. Sitting here sipping on some Swiss hot chocolate (yes, of course it's better than the American kind) I find it difficult not to wonder at all the ways in which the Swiss put us to shame. In this post I will undertake an utterly serious analysis of the five reasons which veritably prove why Swtizerland is better than the United States.

5) In Switzerland you can't mow your lawn on Sundays. I know what you're thinking - "We finally got over blue laws in the United States (not rural PA for those of you wondering about good 'ol Carlisle) and they still have some ridiculous law like that in Switzerland about when you're allowed to mow your lawn!" But seriously, imagine a Sunday when you could grill out, and you didn't have to worry about your next door neighbor firing up the lawn mower and ruining your barbeque. And yes - they do have barbeques in Switzerland despite what all the flag-waving, liberty-loving, "true" patriots might have you think. All around, a good idea, despite my uncle's persistent grumblings.

4) Public transportation. They have it. We don't. Enough said.

3) Roger Federer. The man's incredible. He spent 4 1/2 years as the world's number one player. Americans have turned out some great tennis players, but the fact that the Swiss can dominate the sport for 4 1/2 years is absolutely incredible.

2) You can't flush the toilet in an apartment building after 10 pm in Switzerland. So you've gotta take a late night shit and you don't want to leave it there all night. What're you supposed to do? Don't you see? The entire system is encouraged to regulate your body. If you train your body not to have go at night, at least not that way, you may actually generate healthier habits. Gotta go before bed... - the perfect opportunity for teeth-brushing. Not so subtle manipulation of daily habits by the government - quality.

1) Winning the America's Cup. Even for those of you who don't know what it is, the Swiss winning the America's Cup should be shocking. The America's Cup - not the European's Cup or the Asian's Cup. The America's Cup. But wait. It's a sailing competition. So the Swiss have a few good sailors. WHERE'D THEY LEARN HOW TO SAIL??? THE NATION'S LANDLOCKED!!! If that's not proof, I don't know what else it is.

Honorable mentions:

chocolate
4 national languages
public transportation again
legalized perscription heroin
banks
nationalized healthcare
watches
chocolate again
public transportation for the third time
CERN
the Alps

Let's all try to be more like Switzerland from now on.