Who's the Bigger Ass-Hole, Vol. 2

Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Robinho

Let me first begin by saying that the reason for the exclusion of Ashley Cole in this column is simply that he always wins. I can honestly say that Ashley Cole might win a "Who's the Bigger Ass-hole" column against Joseph Stalin. But that is neither here or there. I just wanted to let all you football fans know that this was not some oversight. No, today I'm comparing the ass-hole qualities of two of the game's pretty-boys, Cristiano Ronaldo and Robinho.

The holiday period was a great time for Ronaldo. He picked up the Ballon d'Or and World Footballer of the Year awards, among many others. When interviewed about winning the awards, Ronaldo "joked" that he could have finished 1st, 2nd, and 3rd in World Footballer of the Year voting. What an ass-hole! He didn't say, "Well, it was some very tough competition; there were many deserving players" (Messi, Torres, Xavi to name just a few). Instead he made a bad joke revealing his own over-inflated sense of self-importance.

As an aside, some people might have perhaps suggested Messi had his own little swing back at Ronaldo after he didn't name Ronaldo in his personal "team of the year." All that we can conclude about Messi's team of the year, however, is that he's simply gone quite loony. Selecting Petr Cech as goalie of the year after his poor performance at Euro 2008 (along with abysmal managing) cost the Czech Republic a spot in the quarterfinals seems somewhat remarkable as do his inclusion of Javier Zanetti and teammate Andres Iniesta in place of HIMSELF and Ronaldo. He also left off Torres, meaning that none of the players who finished 1-2-3 in World Footballer of the Year voting made his team.

Meanwhile, while Ronaldo was racking up awards and dishing out idiotic soundbites for the pundits to feed off, Robinho decided to take a vacation to Brasil without telling anyone at Man City. Manager Mark Hughes was going absolutely bonkers after Robinho hadn't turned up to practice for a couple days and they couldn't reach him on his mobile. (My personal sentiment is that Robinho just had to get away from Richard Dunne - his play would make teammates with even the most stable bowels get a bit nauseous.) Regardless, going AWOL, showing up, and not thinking it appropriate to apologize and admit one's actions immature seems to register pretty high on the ass-hole meter.

In case you were wondering, my pick for World Footballer of the Year would have been Nemanja Vidic. Rio Ferdinand's absence at the holiday period and Man U's continuingly solid defensive performances indiciate it is Vidic, not Ferdinand, who is essential to their defensive wall. My next column will give my team of the year.